Church Ninja
2005-08-22 10:40 a.m.

I love my church, truly I do, but yesterday I noticed a lot of stuff during the service.

See, my grandma taught me there were things one simply did not do during church. She also always, always wore a dress (not a skirt! not pants!) to church, and did not shy away from hats and gloves. I'm a lot more casual than she was, but I still have my limits.

Here are things I saw yesterday that I WILL NOT DO during a church service:

*swigging coffee, with slurping.
*chugging from water or soda bottle
*eating breakfast
*picking nose
*filing nails
*talking during sermon
*talking during prayer
*brushing and re-styling hair
*applying makeup
*picking teeth
*balancing checkbook
*snoring

I was taught that all of that stuff should be done before or after church. I can delay my need for coffee or nail-filing for an hour and a half. I'll survive. If I absolutely must do any of the above RIGHT NOW, I'll excuse myself from the sanctuary and do it elsewhere so I don't drive other worshippers crazy.

Apparently, we need to apply the Golden Rule more often at church. Sigh.

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