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Educait went shopping today. Bad idea. Put on my ninja shopper disguise (jeans and a t-shirt) and faded right into the crowd. (Got stepped on a bit, too.) Apparently, all the dresses out there are supposed to make one look like great-aunt Tillie, the 500 lb. fashion godess of Upper Filbertville. I've never seen so much ghastly, muddy-colored, flounced, beaded tripe in my life. Lots of cases of Good Beads Gone Bad: pineapples around the hem of an otherwise bland black sheath, hot-pink sundresses with alien landing platforms sequined onto the chest, bizarre flowers all around the front of a dress, like a frame for one's belly, a pink polo dress covered in tiny sparkly alligators...it defies description. If I'd been in the mood to upholster my fandango in giant-fruit-print floodies, I could've. (Shudder!) If I'd wanted racks of giant-robot-grrl Japanese print miniskirts, they had those, too. (Gag!) There were herds of little old ladies, wattles a-quiver with glee, shopping today, while Gramps sat dejectedly in the husband chairs. I just couldn't take it. I tried popping into the little store where all the Rebellious Teens shop, looking for something original, but only found recycled eighties dreck. The clerks (all pierced, like tribal Barbies...and one big-breasted girl with a nice little goatee) couldn't understand why I was laughing. Hey, I was rebellious, but I was fairly original! I ripped my own t-shirts; I didn't need no dang designer to do it for me. Dyed 'em, too, with Rit in a squirt gun. (Huge fun, really. Did that the summer I had green hair, which I got with Kool-Aid.) I'm just gonna wear black for the rest of my life. No sequins, no flounces. Just. Plain. Black. Speaking of black...HEY,FRITZ! It's a much better color for text on a red background than *purple.* Dude, I'd love to read your diary, but I'm not willing to wear sunglasses to do it. Geez! I'm still seeing double. I'm gonna go eat chocolate and grade SOL pretests now...grumble. |
 
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Trailer Dresses