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If you have ever entertained the notion of becoming a teacher, stop now. Take the notion's drink away from him and hurl him outta the door. You don't wanna be a teacher. You really, really don't. But, you say, YOU'RE a teacher, Missus Edu-ma-cait! Yeah, but I'm stoopid. Here's how today went: 8 AM Walk into school. Get grabbed by ESL teacher for instant mini-conference. 8:20 Run into curriculun coordinator in hallway. Allow self to be roped into helping to revise the curriculun guide (yes, the one self wrote last summer). 8:25 Sit through meeting about stuff I already know. 8:50 Monkey children arrive. Teach monkey children some stuff. 11:02 Ask noisy monkey children if they are insane, because they are not listening to Mrs. Educait telling them to be quiet. Whip out cell phone. Threaten to call mommas. Hear pin drop. 11:17 Eat lunch, hiding at desk. Get discovered by dept. chair, who chats about stuff she wants self to do while self gulps pasta. Try to hide in bathroom; have more conversation with dept. chair under stall door. 11:55 More monkey children. Sigh. 1:48 Teach extra class (every other day) to bored, rude monkey children. Bigger sigh. 2:50 Listen to "20-minute" presentation on new teacher evaluation evisceration torture and maiming system. Glance often at watch. Remind presenter that it's now 3:35, time to GO HOME. 3:38 Get trapped by ESL teacher. Agree to analyze test results for child who will speak only Italian in class. 3:50 Race back into building and update homework recording for monkey children. 3:55 Lug bag to car. Remind self to remove hippopotamus from bag. 4:00 Go to teacher credit union. See women with large behinds wearing sweaters with school buses embroidered across rump area. 5 PM Go home. Nap until Buffy. Cook food. Eat food.Resist urge to purchase embroidered sweaters. 10 PM Three more hours of paperwork to do. Heavy, massive sigh. On the bright side, no one tried to satisfy anyone else's sexual urges in my class today (at least, not that I saw) and nobody puked. I'm going to lose twenty pounds and go work at a go-go joint over near the Navy base. On de headbone:soundtrack from Grosse Point Blank, a fine film for MY generation. I love the Clash! I love the Space Van's sound system! |
 
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Kick dat Notion Out!