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Okay, I admit it, I'm a Tolkien geek from way back, like about 31 years' worth. I am not, however,an elf-lover.At least, not the way some fangrrrlz are. I like my men bearded and furry, with nice, rumbly voices.I know that *real* men come with some built-in annoyances (like a tendency to pass gas in movie theaters) but I'm willing to deal with them. It's worth the effort. SOME women, on the other hand, love the elfboys in the Lord of the Rings films a bit, erm, excessively. I was over at The One Ring.net the other day, and read an article about Figwit. What? You don't remember an elf named Figwit? Don't feel bad; he only appears for three seconds in the Council of Elrond scene in "The Fellowship of the Ring." His name stands for,"Frodo Is Great...Who Is THAT?" He's a dark-haired, hollow-cheeked, cadaverously slender fella whose instructions seem to have been, "Sit here, near Elrond. Look interested. Don't muss your 'do." He's pretty easy on the eyes, but he's not really anything I'd get obsessive about. Other ladeez, however, have gone nuts. There are LOTS of Figwit websites; go ahead, Google him. I dare ya! Our favorite was "Figwit is Evil." The Samurai like to've wet his pants over that one. There are also websites devoted to all the other prancing, mincing elfdudes, including Elrond, Legs, Rumil, and Orophin. Didn't see one for Haldir (known around here as "the pedophile of Lorien" cuz he's so creeeeepy), but I'm sure some fanboyz love him. I guess many women secretly long for elf-princes: immortal, immaculate, intelligent, cultured, thoughtful guys. Classy. Won't embarrass you when they meet your mum. Likely to buy you really good presents, not complete sets of backissues of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue. I bet they can cook, too. (Hey, if I were 2000 years old, I'd get bored enough to learn anything!) None of them watch football or hockey, fart or belch, or leave beard hairs in the sink. They'd be willing to spend centuries just gazing lovingly into your eyes. Trouble is, they're not real. They're fantasy, and I, for one, am quite happy to be mired in reality, with Real Men to adore. I wonder, though, if inside each hairy, smelly real guy, sitting there in his skivvies, watching hockey, there isn't an elf prince waiting to emerge. (Let's not even get into elf women...ever notice that Tolkien's half-elf characters are always the offspring of male humans and female elves? Hmmmm...must be all that prancing. Of course, I'm already about 90% elf princess...I just hide it well. Aren't all you ladies elf princesses, too?) On the headbone: Bach's Toccata and Fugue in D Minor Read me:Abhorsen by Garth Nix. Yes, I bought it today! I'll finally find out how it all ends! Bwaaahaha! |
 
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Figwit