|
|
|
� |
|
Little frustrations. Just small, niggling things that make me nuts. Life is full of them, but several are rankling me more than usual right now. Aggravation #1: Women who cannot rest their dainty butts on the seats in public restrooms. They "hover" instead. Even if the place has those nice paper seat covers, these dumb clucks hover like big ole wide-ass hot air balloons. For some of these ladies with a lotta junk in the trunk, hovering means they're a good two feet above the potty. They manage to spray everything beneath them, including the entire toilet seat, the floor, and their own *feet.* This is entirely disgusting, especially when they are too dainty to clean up their *own damn mess* and leave it for someone else to deal with. Now, I've gone #1 in some pretty awful places (public restrooms in the hinterlands of Georgia, rustic outhouses, even a real chamber pot) but I've never gotten any awful disease or creeping crud from placing my generous posterior on the toilet seat. If I were so foolish as to hover in midair and pee on my feet, I'd clean up after myself. It's how I was raised. Can you tell this one really yanks my chain? Annoyance #2: Cell phones in movie theaters. I swear, the *VERY NEXT TIME* one goes off in a movie I paid to see, I'm gonna grab it, run into the theater next to the one I'm in, chuck it into the crowd watching "Death Metal Zombie Biker Babes Do Dallas," and yell, "Free cell phone!" Either that, or I'll hide in the restroom and make prank calls to everyone listed in the phone idjit's directory, then flush the damn thing. Annoyance #3: Parents who take their children to places (like a movie theater, the ballet, the opera, or a bullfight) in which they know the children are incapable of meeting the minimum behavioral standards expected of attendees, then refuse to correct said children when their behavior annoys others. My mom would have smacked me into next Tuesday if I'd talked loudly/incessantly during a movie, kicked chairs, thrown popcorn, or, heaven forbid, insisted on *standing up* instead of sitting in my seat quietly like a little lady. If I wanted to go to stuff where other people behaved decorously, I had to act like they did. Period. Lapses on my part meant immediate, unceremonious removal from the activity and a long dry spell before I'd be allowed out of the house again. Either that, or my grandma would be in charge of me next time we went anywhere. My grandma could have made a southern belle out of Adolf Hitler. She was five feet of violet-eyed meanness in a flowerdy dress! Way I'm going, I just might live up to her standard for sheer orneriness. |
 
|
Little annoyances