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I adore my husband beyond all imagining, truly I do, but when we're together for an entire day, we really seem to grate on each other. Maybe it's because we're teachers. When you teach, you spend a lot of time being the only adult in a room full of people who expect you to tell them what to do, entertain them, take care of them, and generally keep things going. You have a lot of autonomy (granted, with lots of after-the-fact explanation, via lesson plans). You're used to being the boss hawg. When we spend time with each other,we tend to instruct, rather than request. We tend to answer questions pedantically, rather than engaging in real conversation. When things get really bad, we turn into a dueling Socratic seminar-answering each other's questions with more questions. I can tell I'm starting to wear on the Samurai when he spends three hours in front of the computer and will only emerge for food. He can tell he's getting to me when I start giving him chores to do.If it gets too tense, one of us might go shopping. Alone. Sometimes, acting like adult married people (you figure it out-what am I, your PE teacher?) improves our headspace a bit.If there's something to distract us, like a really bad movie, we do okay. Are you surprised? After seventeen and a half years of marriage, and nineteen years together, you get used to dealing with irritation. It happens, like sand in an oyster shell. |
 
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Making Pearls