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1) Refuse to allow your child to bathe, on the grounds that soap, shampoo, and hot water are too expensive.
2) Take your child's notebooks away from him/her each night. Randomly rearrange the contents. Be sure to throw away important notes and homework.
3) Do not, under any circumstances, return anything to school marked "sign and return."
4) Corollary to #3: take that damn federal card and deep-fry it.
5) Send long, rambling e-mails to all of your child's teachers detailing yor latest therapy session and your PMS difficulties.
6) Send long follow-up emails accusing your child's teachers of being stupid, poorly educated child molesters.Be sure to use terrible grammar and spelling.
7) Criticize teachers for being "too uptight" because we never wear blue jeans. (Not allowed, per our principal.)
8) Don't show up for conferences, especially if you requested them. Don't call, either.
9) If you MUST attend a conference, be late. The teachers haven't got anything else to do, right?
10) Tell your kid to hit anyone who insults him. Hard. I could go on, but I will amaze my readers by promising faithfully that all of these EXCEPT #4 have happened to me in the past two weeks. I'm expecting some variation of #4 any minute now. (Federal cards went home yesterday.) I could open a comic book shop, couldn't I? Especially if I put it near a Navy base, got in killer shape, and dressed up as a different super-heroine every day: Black Canary on Monday, Wonder Woman on Tuesday, Batgirl on Wednesday, Black Cat on Thursday, Spider-Woman on Friday,Black Widow for Saturday, and varous others on special occasions. Hmm. Sounds fun!
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How to Make Teachers hate You