Spaceship Forge Jew!
2006-05-03 10:17 p.m.

Got a really good offshore telemarketer on the line this evening.

Me: Hello?
Offshore Dude: Aylo! This is Amir. Shoe mittens douse?
Me: Yes, I'm Mrs. Downs.
Amir: Eye blab sodomite these aardvark. Spaceship forge jew!
Me: Excuse me?
Amir: Sodomite these aardvark! Jew nose! Tee vee!
Me: Oh, a satellite dish network. We already have cable.
Amir: No stable, these aardvark! Spaceship forge malaria!
Me: You have a special for my area?
Amir: Jays! Jays! Spaceship! Forge jeep!
Me: Um, it might be a special for cheap, Amir, but no thanks.

In other weird news, we got a call from a car rental place, demanding that we return the Caddy rented by Useless, the young whippersnapper who used to live here. Not with us; he's the previous owner's nephew.

He rented this car using his real name and the driver's license that STILL has our address on it, after eighteen months. The Caddy was due back on April 13th. The genius probably didn't notice the OnStar system, but they're tracking him. They were trying to give him a chance to turn the car in before they sent the law after him.

After I spoke with the nice lady, I called my local precinct, to be sure the dumb kid's file is flagged. If he encounters a cop and they see that license, they'll keep it. The pleasant sergeant who spoke with me also advised me to call the detective division, and talk to the economic crimes unit.He hasn't tried to use our personal info, but he does apply for credit using our address, because the refusal notices come here, as do his doctor bills.

Yes, I'm shredding everything. My neighbor across the way keeps an eye on our mailbox, too. Fortunately, the mail gets here right about when I get home. Outgoing mail gets taken to school and mailed from there.

We'll see what happens with this silly boy.

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